He's Growing Up

I ditched the baby monitor for good. It wasn't a good-quality piece of equipment anyway. I had to position it just right on the night stand or it would buzz a little bit and sometimes what started out as a perfect position somehow became imperfect as the night wore on and it would start to buzz and wake me up.

I turned it off two-and-a-half nights ago and I've slept better ever since. It needed to happen.

Henry's big enough now that he can summon me from my room if he really needs me and I don't need to hear every bit of movement he makes. Here's a current photo:



He'll be my last child- two is a good number for us and with me being 41, almost 42, the risks go up every year of complications with not only me but also the baby. Two is a logical number for us.

I had a strong urge to be pregnant again a couple of days ago. It came from out of nowhere. I didn't want to have another child- I just wanted to be pregnant again. There's something special about cradling life within- it's really the only chance you have to be completely protective. It's a secret club that only has two members. It's easy to overlook the heartburn and fatigue and constipation and every other pregnancy complaint when the product of that state is laughing at his rattle on a blanket next to my feet. The truth of it is that pregnancy is a chore, but the glory of it is unmistakable. If I was a younger woman I might not be able to resist its siren song, but I'm a practical woman. I've had 2 successful pregnancies despite being of Advanced Maternal Age and I'm not going to press my luck.

When I unplugged the monitor it struck me that this was a step towards independence for him. There are countless tiny steps you accompany your child through that lead eventually to his independence. The first one is birth. The others are less dramatic, certainly, and many of them are tiny, but each one is a little milestone. The first big one after birth in our family is moving the baby out of the bedroom and into his own room. That happened a few weeks ago.

The turning-off of the monitor is a tiny step. I'm sure it's what prompted my desire to be pregnant again. Since Henry will be our last child I know that every time one of those little steps is taken, I will sigh with the knowledge that I will not be experiencing it again. Some toys are starting to migrate to the attic where they will await the eventual garage sale and I've begun to sort and catalog the clothes for eBay sale.

I've tucked a couple of things into a keepsake box for him- both boys have one. The boxes contain their hospital bands and mine, the outfit they came home in, their ultrasound pictures and a couple of other items. Ted's has a lock of hair- Henry's will have one eventually too.

I'm glad the monitor is off. I needed to sleep better. I'm glad my boys are growing up. And I'm glad I'm not going to be pregnant again, truth be told. I will continue to be a little wistful I'm sure, but as I said before, I'm a practical woman at heart.

Anyone want to buy a baby bathtub? I've got one I'm not using anymore.