For those who don't know, the broad definition of Engrish is English translations that have errors, often comical.
I love Engrish. It cracks me up. I look for it and sometimes go to sites like http://www.engrish.com/ to see if there's anything new posted. Sometimes it makes me laugh out loud. There are the emails that occasionally make the rounds that have lists of bad translations like this one http://ayersline.com/Jokes/badtrans.htm and I always read them with amusement.
One common place to find Engrish is in fortune cookies. I was dining with my mom when she got the fortune "A Happy Day! You better shirt all kind of overwork." I kept that inscrutable fortune cookie in my purse for three years. I stumbled upon someone who wanted to BUY it from me, so I gave it to him- I figured if he was willing to pay for it, he should have it.
Recently, while looking for a new electric razor for my husband for Father's Day, I stumbled across these gems on Amazon in the customer review section:
I used to have a simpler shaver, with 3 head but a lot simpler than this one. Now I have a really good one. My skin when I end shaving becomes really soft. My previous shaver (Philips also) used to leave a lot of hairs back in my face and almost all other I could fell with touch. NOW the felling at the end is awesome, my face becomes really nice in the touch. A nice product, I'm really happy with him.
I was looking for a cheap quick alternative to brades, this seems to meet my expectation. For around 30 bucks, you really can go wrong. Time saving, priceless. I usually finish my shaving with brades in about 10 to 15 minutes, now it's 10 seconds.
I'm not a hard user so all stuff is awesome!
There is a flip side to this though too. Tattoos that utilize Asian characters, Arabic or Sanscrit are currently popular. However, word on the street is that if you are going to get one of these tattoos, you need to be really careful because people are getting tattoos that don't say what they think they do.
So I wonder if there is some web site that some 40-year-old Asian woman likes to go to that makes her laugh. It has pictures of people who have things like "I wet my bed until I was 17" tattoed on their shoulder or "Only losers get tattoos on their necks" tattooed on their neck.
I hope so.
That would make me laugh.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
I Know This Much is Also True
- The correct dosage for a 2-year-old is 1/2 of a Flinstone's vitamin. Even though it's only a vitamin, it's still a little creepy to have 4 or 5 Flinstone's heads roll out into your hand first thing in the morning.
- If you are an adult, running through the streets in a downpour and splashing water on your friend will cause police officers to conduct field sobriety tests.
- If your outdoor cat brings a rodent inside for your indoor cats to play with, it is not a good thing.
- If you have cats and think you smell something under your sofa, even if that sofa is a hide-a-way bed, it's best to investigate.
- Ant spray will not kill flies.
- An easy way to confuse drunks is to sit on a bar roof at closing time and blow bubbles over the edge.
- Snakes make bad pets.
I know other stuff too- these are just some things that popped into my head this evening.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Who Writes This Stuff?
My two-year-old Ted LOVES books. I think that's great- we're all readers in my family and I'm happy to read to him as often as he wants to be read to, provided I'm not in the middle of doing something else like cooking dinner.
I expect I read somewhere in the neighborhood of twenty books a day to him and his vocabulary is building itself by leaps and bounds. It's fun to hear him tackle new words and to be able to finally express some of his wishes verbally- it makes it a whole lot easier on me too.
One thing that I have found out is that the quality of children's literature varies greatly. Some of it is wonderful and some of it is simply crap. It's quality does not seem to make a difference to Ted- he is equally enchanted from the cream at the top and the scrapings from the bottom of the barrel.
The sign of a good book is much different to me. Since I am going to be the one reading it 15 times in a row, I have certain qualifications for a child's book to make it stand out.
1. It must be sturdy- if the book lasts two days because one episode of being folded all the way open has broken the book in two, it does not deserve to wear the badge of "Board Book." That title should only apply to those books hardy enough to endure and survive at least a month of love from a toddler.
2. It must have decent artwork. If the artwork is ugly or lacks perspective then it's not a good book. Bearing in mind that if a book is a favorite then it may be slept with, it may come to the dinner table and accompany the child in the grocery store or the car, it ought to be appealing to the eye.
3. It must be easy to read. If it is a rhyming book and the rhymes are forced and the cadence is off, it becomes a hated book by the reader. There are parts of Ted's books that I read the way I think they should have been written instead of the way they were written.
Examples of great books are "The Napping House" and "Good Night Moon." When I see parents listing their child's favorite books, "Good Night Moon" is on nearly ever list I've ever read. It's lyrical and easy to memorize. It almost sings itself. "In the great green room there was a telephone, a red balloon and a picture of the cow jumping over the moon." The artwork is good too. "The Napping House" has the same qualities. The artwork is intricate and nuanced; the book almost sings: "There is a house, a napping house where everyone is sleeping. And in that house there is a bed, a cozy bed in a napping house where everyone is sleeping."
I love those books and reading them 15 times in a row is not a chore- it's a labor of love that is easy.
Then there are the other books. The books that make me wonder- whoever wrote the text to this book- how did they get that job? Did some book manufacturer walk out into his staff room and look around and say "You there- throwing up into the wastebasket- are you still drunk from last night? Never mind- I want you to write the text to this book. Here are some pictures. I don't care if it's not your department- in my office I demand flexibility!" Are there no editors? There are good writers out there looking for work- how can they all get overlooked when it comes to writing children's books?
There are two books in particular that I cringe when Ted brings them to me to read. They were bought by a relative who bought them because they were on clearance for $2 apiece and the original price on the back of the book was $25. ($25!!!!! For a 4 page board book.)
They are sturdy. They have lasted and lasted. The artwork is decent too- not inspired by any stretch, but the perspective is fine and they aren't ugly to look at.
The text is wretched. Just awful. One begins "Under the ocean live two little fish. The big one is Mommy and that's her son Tisch." In these two sentences I see these problems: Fish live IN the ocean, not under it. Under the ocean implies that the fish are buried in the sea bed. Little fish, one of which is big. Which is it? Are they big or little? "Tisch?" Are we getting clever by adding the "c" in there so that no one will notice that it's a name fabricated to rhyme with "fish?" Well, the gig is up- I noticed. The cadence is off- I stumble over the words of the text when the stanzas have a 4 syllable phrase in a 2 syllable spot. I HATE reading it. I never thought I'd hate reading a book, but I do.
I have it memorized. This book is currently the favorite. I haven't read it this morning because it's still in his crib- he slept with it last night. I did get to read "A Party in the Jungle," its companion book, written by the same imbecile. This one follows Eric the Elephant and it tells us that you have to be cute to have friends, bears live in the jungle with elephants, monkeys and deer and elephants are good dancers.
Throwing away a perfectly good book seems like blasphemy to me, but it just might happen soon and by my hand.
I have a recommendation to anyone who will be buying children's literature for the younger set. Read it. Read it out loud at least twice before buying it. Think about reading it 15 times in a row. Does that seem like a punishment? If it does, then pick up a copy of "Good Night Moon" or "The Napping House" or anything by Eric Carle instead. Someone will be glad you did.
I expect I read somewhere in the neighborhood of twenty books a day to him and his vocabulary is building itself by leaps and bounds. It's fun to hear him tackle new words and to be able to finally express some of his wishes verbally- it makes it a whole lot easier on me too.
One thing that I have found out is that the quality of children's literature varies greatly. Some of it is wonderful and some of it is simply crap. It's quality does not seem to make a difference to Ted- he is equally enchanted from the cream at the top and the scrapings from the bottom of the barrel.
The sign of a good book is much different to me. Since I am going to be the one reading it 15 times in a row, I have certain qualifications for a child's book to make it stand out.
1. It must be sturdy- if the book lasts two days because one episode of being folded all the way open has broken the book in two, it does not deserve to wear the badge of "Board Book." That title should only apply to those books hardy enough to endure and survive at least a month of love from a toddler.
2. It must have decent artwork. If the artwork is ugly or lacks perspective then it's not a good book. Bearing in mind that if a book is a favorite then it may be slept with, it may come to the dinner table and accompany the child in the grocery store or the car, it ought to be appealing to the eye.
3. It must be easy to read. If it is a rhyming book and the rhymes are forced and the cadence is off, it becomes a hated book by the reader. There are parts of Ted's books that I read the way I think they should have been written instead of the way they were written.
Examples of great books are "The Napping House" and "Good Night Moon." When I see parents listing their child's favorite books, "Good Night Moon" is on nearly ever list I've ever read. It's lyrical and easy to memorize. It almost sings itself. "In the great green room there was a telephone, a red balloon and a picture of the cow jumping over the moon." The artwork is good too. "The Napping House" has the same qualities. The artwork is intricate and nuanced; the book almost sings: "There is a house, a napping house where everyone is sleeping. And in that house there is a bed, a cozy bed in a napping house where everyone is sleeping."
I love those books and reading them 15 times in a row is not a chore- it's a labor of love that is easy.
Then there are the other books. The books that make me wonder- whoever wrote the text to this book- how did they get that job? Did some book manufacturer walk out into his staff room and look around and say "You there- throwing up into the wastebasket- are you still drunk from last night? Never mind- I want you to write the text to this book. Here are some pictures. I don't care if it's not your department- in my office I demand flexibility!" Are there no editors? There are good writers out there looking for work- how can they all get overlooked when it comes to writing children's books?
There are two books in particular that I cringe when Ted brings them to me to read. They were bought by a relative who bought them because they were on clearance for $2 apiece and the original price on the back of the book was $25. ($25!!!!! For a 4 page board book.)
They are sturdy. They have lasted and lasted. The artwork is decent too- not inspired by any stretch, but the perspective is fine and they aren't ugly to look at.
The text is wretched. Just awful. One begins "Under the ocean live two little fish. The big one is Mommy and that's her son Tisch." In these two sentences I see these problems: Fish live IN the ocean, not under it. Under the ocean implies that the fish are buried in the sea bed. Little fish, one of which is big. Which is it? Are they big or little? "Tisch?" Are we getting clever by adding the "c" in there so that no one will notice that it's a name fabricated to rhyme with "fish?" Well, the gig is up- I noticed. The cadence is off- I stumble over the words of the text when the stanzas have a 4 syllable phrase in a 2 syllable spot. I HATE reading it. I never thought I'd hate reading a book, but I do.
I have it memorized. This book is currently the favorite. I haven't read it this morning because it's still in his crib- he slept with it last night. I did get to read "A Party in the Jungle," its companion book, written by the same imbecile. This one follows Eric the Elephant and it tells us that you have to be cute to have friends, bears live in the jungle with elephants, monkeys and deer and elephants are good dancers.
Throwing away a perfectly good book seems like blasphemy to me, but it just might happen soon and by my hand.
I have a recommendation to anyone who will be buying children's literature for the younger set. Read it. Read it out loud at least twice before buying it. Think about reading it 15 times in a row. Does that seem like a punishment? If it does, then pick up a copy of "Good Night Moon" or "The Napping House" or anything by Eric Carle instead. Someone will be glad you did.
Thursday, June 7, 2007
The Nursery That Took Over My Life
So I've been MIA for three weeks. I've really been meaning to get here and jot a few things down. I've been really busy. I've had snowbird relatives come back in town. Ted had a birthday. My mother-in-law had a birthday. We've had two celebrations at our house. We had a new back yard put in. And I decorated the nursery.
Henry will be 4 months old in 5 days now, so I decided it was finally time to get his nursery decorated. He's been sleeping in a co-sleeper attached to our bed and both Henry and I will sleep better once he's no longer right next to me- when he is even a little restless at night I'm inclined to nurse him instead of allowing him to work his way back to sleep on his own. He is big enough that he ought to be sleeping through the night now, but I know that I'm working against it- time to put an end to that.
Those who know me know that I'm decorationally challenged. My house is painted in antique white with white trim in just about every room. My kitchen stands alone, but I didn't decorate it- my sister did. She's an architect. That room looks great. Everything else looks bland. Except for the nursery now.
I don't have the linens on the crib yet and the crib needs to be assembled- we received it yesterday- but here are the pictures:
Now that Henry will be moving into his own space, I'm hoping to start getting a little more sleep at night. I'm looking forward to that!
I have another random tangent halfway written. I'll post that after Father's Day. Hopefully I'll have a little more time to write now that my big renovation project is complete. :)
Henry will be 4 months old in 5 days now, so I decided it was finally time to get his nursery decorated. He's been sleeping in a co-sleeper attached to our bed and both Henry and I will sleep better once he's no longer right next to me- when he is even a little restless at night I'm inclined to nurse him instead of allowing him to work his way back to sleep on his own. He is big enough that he ought to be sleeping through the night now, but I know that I'm working against it- time to put an end to that.
Those who know me know that I'm decorationally challenged. My house is painted in antique white with white trim in just about every room. My kitchen stands alone, but I didn't decorate it- my sister did. She's an architect. That room looks great. Everything else looks bland. Except for the nursery now.
I don't have the linens on the crib yet and the crib needs to be assembled- we received it yesterday- but here are the pictures:
Now that Henry will be moving into his own space, I'm hoping to start getting a little more sleep at night. I'm looking forward to that!
I have another random tangent halfway written. I'll post that after Father's Day. Hopefully I'll have a little more time to write now that my big renovation project is complete. :)
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