Do Not Operate Heavy Machinery

"Do Not Operate Heavy Machinery..." It's a warning I've seen on my prescriptions at times. It was on the prescription I got after having my wisdom teeth removed. It was on the prescription I got after having my C-section.

Today I have no drugs other than caffeine in my system. I went to bed at 10. Henry nursed at 10:50 and again at 11:30 (?!) Ted awoke at 12 and howled until I went to check on him. Nothing was wrong, so I changed his diaper and told him to go back to sleep. He woke up again at 2 and howled until I went in and told him that when it was dark it was sleeping time. I used my Angry Face and my Mean Voice. Henry woke up at 2:30 and nursed. He then awoke at 5 for the day. I got another 20 minutes of sleep when he took his first nap before Ted woke up for the day. So my longest stretch of uninterrupted sleep was from 3 until 5.

I have a headache that has taken over the right side of my head and it feels like I'm clenching my teeth even as I sit here, slack jawed, typing away. So far I have read 2 books 5 times each. The boys are watching their third video of the day. They're tired and crabby too. It's hard work to coordinate a waking schedule like that I suppose.

I've emptied a couple of trash cans and frankly feel good about how much I've accomplished considering how I feel. Last night was bad, but it wouldn't have this kind of effect on me except that I have only had two or three good nights of sleep since maybe November.

I tell myself every morning that it won't be this way forever, that any day now Henry will start sleeping through the night. And that Ted will stop waking up- it's a phase. And some nights I get 3 hours of sleep in a row twice. When I get more than that I wake up disoriented because it's so unusual.

Some people fantasize about winning the lottery. I fantasize about getting 8 hours of sleep. It sounds completely unattainable- even typing it seems ludicrous.

I am so out of it that I chant to myself "coffeecoffeecoffee" when I pad into the kitchen because if I don't then I will actually forget why I'm there. There's no way I am competent to work a power tool today- it would certainly end up with a visit to the emergency room. And thanks tons to all of the people who tell me "You should nap when they do." Great idea Einstein, I wouldn't have figured that one out on my own. I haven't gotten the boys to overlap their naps for more than 15 minutes in WEEKS. Sorry for being surly.

That warning? "Do Not Operate Heavy Machinery while under the influence of this medication" which they stamp on bottles of some medication? They should have stamped it on my kids.