A Toy Rant

I'm mad at Curious George. Not the Curious George. A Curious George. Specifically, this Curious George.

Ted recently turned 3 and we had a party for him. My sister was in town and rather than having four different family events to go to, we decided to streamline our week and have one big family party and say it was for Ted's birthday.

One relative called and asked what to get Ted for his birthday. I explained to her that really the party was to get family together, but if she really wanted to get a gift she should go to the grocery store and spring $2 for one of those balls in the big wire basket in the aisle by the cash registers.

Being conscientious, she instead went to Target and carefully selected Tub Time Curious George, spending approximately ten times what a grocery store ball would have cost. I can see why she would have chosen it- everyone loves Curious George, right? And he blows bubbles! What's more fun than bubbles if you're a 3-year old? But the toy is a dud. It is difficult to work and the reason it's marketed as a tub toy is because if you don't hold it exactly upright, it vomits soap from its mouth. Oh, and you're not supposed to get it wet. Really.

Toys should be made better than that.

I have come to believe that toy manufacturers look at the public as a prey species. Just as the guys at the bait shop will tell you what the fish are biting on, I imagine the toy execs sitting around highly-polished long tables, wearing expensive suits, trying to figure out how to get the most money from our wallets. What will lure out our cash?

I believe their tactics fall into one of two categories:
1. They can make good toys
2. They can make crappy toys and slap Curious George or Mickey or Dora or Diego or Spongebob on it and watch it fly off the shelves.

By putting a beloved figure on a crappy toy, they create the lure. The fish are biting. As parents we know that our children will light up when they see their favorite character peeking out from behind the paper. It's Mickey! And he came to my house! To play with me! As harried shoppers we see a familiar face and think "Surely Spongebob wouldn't endorse a crappy toy. I know Spongebob and he wouldn't stand for something like that." Our children see the ads on TV and that toy becomes the one that they really really want. And so out come the credit cards. Out comes the cash.

I am lucky that I have some time to shop. I generally do my pre-shopping from this chair. I read reviews. Hundreds of them. I winnow down my choices. I am glad my children are disinclined to watch much TV- they don't clamor for the crappy toys yet. Over and over I see the same thing- toys that are designed to make you buy more toys- like this one: It has a Mickey Mouse that plugs into four small holes. The car seats one figure and it only works when the figure is plugged in- meaning it won't work if you lose Mickey or don't have another figure from the same series to plug into it. Not only is this difficult to get plugged in right if you're still working on your fine motor skills, but Mickey has a tendency to go on walkabout in my house. Without my intervention this toy rarely works.

Toys that just plain don't work, like George. (It worked exactly once.)

Toys that only work with the cars or figures that come with it- the Mickey car being a prime example. Many of the car ramps also fall into this category. (I am not including train sets or building sets in this category- in those cases consumers know beforehand that they are buying part of a set- it's not a surprise.)

Toys that are not durable. One car ramp that I declined to purchase had reviews that said over and over "It falls apart every time I try to move it."

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I have put nearly-new toys in my recycle bin and I cringe when I do it. The money that was spent on the purchase was spent in good faith. It was spent in the hopes that the toy being purchased would be beloved. Not recycled.

Toy manufacturers ought to be ashamed of themselves for producing crappy toys. The Amazon reviews of the George toy gave it 1 1/2 stars, only because reviewers can't give less than 1 star. Even the good reviews said that the toy didn't work, but their kid liked it anyway because it was Curious George. That's not good enough.

The toy industry ends up being able to take advantage of those people who don't have the time to research their toys and those who don't have the ability to. I have a couple of relatives who wouldn't know how to begin to research a toy.

I don't know how to put an end to it. I can't ask everyone I know to start putting in the kind of time that I do simply because it's important to me. If there are any toy executives out there who happen to stumble across this blog, though, I'm talking to you. And I sure hope you have a conscience.

For award-winning toys, go here or here or do your own search- there are lots of good toys out there- you just have to go looking for them.