Did You Say "Blessed?" or "Pissed?"

I'm a stay-at-home-mom. I don't belong to a playgroup. When I quit work to become a sahm, all of my local friends (except one) were fully employed, mostly professionals. We'd have drinks after work and sometimes that'd evolve into dinner. I went to ballgames and conferences and seminars out of town.

When I quit work I stepped out of that world and my new world was dramatically smaller. It's >< this big now. That fact has had some impact. Every bit of adult interaction is now much more important to my sanity.

So when I go to the grocery store, I choose my line with some care. I have a favorite clerk. Her name is Theresa and I know about her kids and her grand-daughter and she was actually one of the first people I told when I got pregnant with Henry. Unfortunately, Theresa broke her foot and has been off work for a couple of months now. I miss her.

There's only one clerk I actively try to avoid.

I went to the grocery store a couple of weeks ago. I had a lot of items to get and it took some time. I went as I usually do, with the toddler in the cart seat and the 2 month-old in a mei tai, strapped to my chest. He was sleeping peacefully but I knew he'd wake up soon. In addition, we were approaching lunch and nap time for the toddler.

When I got to the check-out there were two lines open. One was clerked by Michelle who I like fine. The other was clerked by The Other Michelle. The first Michelle's line already had three people in it, each with a fair number if items. The second Michelle had no one in her line and the belt was empty. She was talking to her last customers about how they could file a complaint against the corporation that owns the grocery store. The store was re-organizing and these customers had a hard time finding what they needed, so Michelle was encouraging them to complain. This did not surprise me. It may be the only time she's ever been helpful.

I contemplated my options and then I made the wrong decision in an effort to be efficient with my time.

"I just won't ask today." I counselled myself. Michelle always asks how you are, not because she cares, but because she wants to answer the reciprocal question. I feel guilty when I don't ask it, but today I wouldn't ask. I was loading my groceries onto the belt when she said, "How are you today?" Her mouth was turned down and her eyes were full of malice. "Fine." I said, "And you?" dammit dammit dammit. I asked. Even after thinking about it, I asked. "I'm so blessed I can hardly stand it." She said in a monotone, her angry gaze locked with mine. I looked at my one son who was trying to add a magazine to my purchases and my other one, sleeping peacefully against my chest. I choked up a little. "Yeah, I know what you mean." And I felt blessed- I really did.

She glowered at me. Very clearly I could not know what she meant. She said something about Henry sleeping in the car and I said that actually he hated the infant car seat and would probably cry the whole way home. That gave her purchase. She had something to hold onto. Off she went on a tirade about infant car seats. The thrust of her tirade was that she never used them with her kids and they were just fine. I mentioned that people are worse drivers now. (They are too- NHTSA has the stats. The only reason there aren't a lot more fatals every year is because safety equipment has improved dramatically- yeah, like infant car seats. There are a LOT more cars and a lot more multiple car accidents now.) She locked eyes with me. "Oh no they aren't!" She said, shoving my bread into the bag with the canned goods. She stopped ringing up my items for a moment and glared. I don't know why she's so angry about car seats- they seem like a good idea to me.

I only had a couple of items left at this point, so I started digging in my purse for my bank card even though I knew right where it was. She's like that every time I go through her line- angry and looking for someone to vent it on.

At the beginning of the transaction she always makes sure that I know that she's "blessed." In fact, this time she said she was "so blessed she could hardly stand it." I would think that if you knew that you were "blessed," it would put you in a better mood. Maybe she meant "pissed."