And She's Outta Here

I'm taking a break.

I enjoy writing. I really do. I'll miss it.

But I haven't been writing much lately. I think about it. I formulate entries in my head and don't post them.

I didn't realize when I first started writing how much critical analysis would follow- not just of my writing, but also of my parenting.

It is the fate of my children to have me as a parent. I'm not perfect, but I'm happy with my life; I'm happy (for the most part) with myself.

My kids aren't going to have a million friends through my social contacts.

I'm not perky.

My house is badly decorated and cluttered.

I don't see the need for kids to be taking four different kinds of lessons at the age of 3.

I think that tv is over-rated and most programs are garbage. I think that many books are too.

To me, a day spent at the park is a day well spent and a trip to the grocery store can be just as educational (and more practical) than a trip to many museums.

Play groups make me anxious- they feel like first dates and no one ever calls for a second date. I'm just not that great at small talk. I never have been and I never will be. I'm ok with this for the most part but people telling me that I need to go out and make more friends so that the kids have more social exposure is, frankly, unhelpful advice. Would I like to have more friends? Sure I would. But I would have answered that question the same way just about every year of my life.

I really am doing the best I can as a parent, but there are basic things about my nature that make it impossible to transform myself into Donna Reed, June Cleaver or Claire Huxtable. I'm just not any of those people. My kids are going to have me as their parent, for good or for bad. I've tried many times to be someone I'm not because it seemed that other people were unhappy with who I am and the bottom line is that it doesn't work, it only makes me miserable.

Writing down the anecdotes has invited criticism of all kinds and it just isn't fun any more. I don't post because I don't want the inevitable phone calls and emails. So I'm taking a break.

I posted another entry this morning, one that had been sitting half-finished for a month or more. It'll be my last one for a while.