Give Me Liberty

My kids are in second grade and Kindergarten, so the news of the Sandy Hook shooting hit me very close to home. At this writing we are a couple of weeks out from the tragedy and the aftermath is alarming on a number of levels. What is most disturbing to me is that the media (and their customers) seem to have an unquenchable thirst for news on the subject. We are feeding on the grief of the parents with an unending appetite for their sorrow. It is time to let these people grieve in private, without the rest of the world looking in their windows.

What is also disturbing to me is the reaction to the tragedy in a more practical way. How can we prevent such a tragedy from occurring again? The truth is that we can't. Mental illness is not always predictable and how do we know when someone is going to commit acts that are unspeakable, unthinkable? Should we have armed guards at every school, shopping mall and playground? Or do we shut them down completely?

We fear something whose chance of occurring is remote and unpredictable that we can't adequately prepare for regardless.

Bad things happen in this world and they happen all over the world. We are a violent and terrifying species- our capacity for atrocity is unmatched in the animal kingdom. We try to curtail this part of our nature, but occasionally it leaks out.

I went to my children's elementary school last week and had to sign in and put on a visitor's badge in order to check the lost-and-found for my kid's hat (it wasn't there). Everybody knows me there and I'm on the PTO board. I am not a threat to the school and they know that. Is it a good idea for the school to know exactly who is in their building at all times? Probably, but I wonder what we're giving up in the process.

Locked doors, security checkpoints, body scans, please get your id ready, don't talk to strangers, everyone is a suspect. What is the message in all of this? I was raised with the old rule that I had to get home when the street lights come on. Has the world really changed that much in the intervening years? Or is it simply that we think that we can protect ourselves from the random, unpredictable injury if we simply put up one!more!barrier! to it.

How many more steps toward protection to we need to take before we no longer leave our homes? When I was 7, I was riding my bike a couple of miles from my home in order to visit friends. We'd then get on our bikes and ride around their neighborhood. The thought of putting my 7-year-old on his bike and telling him to be home in time for lunch is terrifying and I wonder what kind of adults we are raising with all of this "protection." Can we really expect our kids to explore their world if we're constantly looking over their shoulder? I believe in living life boldly while at the same time I prevent my children from experiencing the same freedoms I enjoyed while growing up.

I feel as though we are on a precipice as we navigate these post-Sandy-Hook waters. I don't know what the right answer is, but I don't feel that we can adequately insulate ourselves from harm and danger. I feel that freedom is too precious commodity to trade in for "safety," especially when you consider that the safety we seek isn't even achievable.

The words of Patrick Henry, "Give me liberty, or give me death." seem a little chilling under the circumstances, but I keep coming back to them. I truly hope that our freedoms are not too greatly impacted by the legislation that is sure to be the aftermath of this tragedy. Protection from harm comes with its own price, and I am anxious to learn what that cost will be and can only pray that the cost of the freedoms we will give up will be less than the price of the injury it seeks to avoid.

(I also truly hope that the parents of the Sandy Hook victims are afforded some privacy as they try to find some peace in the tragedy's wake. My heart goes out to them all.)

Now What?

The bus has pulled away and an eerie silence settles over the house. I can hear the refrigerator. I can hear the cat walking across the room. Can this be the same house in which I was just commanding, "Henry, stop shouting! Henry, Stop Shouting!?" In fact, it is, but it feels like a different place all together. Both of my kids are in school full time.

Henry started Kindergarten three weeks ago- hah! Henry started Kindergarten last week- I just double-checked the calendar. It seems like it's been so much longer. I already feel spoiled when I go to the grocery store and don't have to explain why Mario or Angry Birds-themed foods might not be the best nutritional choices on the shelves.

It's a new chapter for me and I'm curious to see what the year is going to bring. I've been teaching knitting at the local Y for almost 2 years now and the Y, which originally courted me to teach, has been continually frustrating to work with and I've just been informed that I'm losing my room (again) and can teach my class in an outdoor pavilion, the lobby, or a windowless dungeon of a conference room that is burdened with large tables and an oft-used supply closet: I may be looking for new digs in which to teach my class.

I'm treasurer of our PTO and I'm excited to be in a position where I can be an ambassador to the school and the organization (while recognizing that the one who handles the money may also have to be unpopular sometimes.)

My law license is active and I need to attend some continuing education courses to stay in good standing- what's going to happen with my career, such as it is, over the next year or two or five? What opportunities will come my way? I have lots of unanswered questions right now.

My promise to myself is that I'm not going to make any rash decisions- measured steps only. As I've gotten older, I've become more inclined to take longer to make decisions and this has resulted in fewer, better decisions about my life. I don't know what path I'm on right now, but I know that my life is good. I'm not anxious about my current lack of clear direction- I have enough purpose in my immediate tasks- but I'm interested to see what's next.