A Toy Rant

I'm mad at Curious George. Not the Curious George. A Curious George. Specifically, this Curious George.

Ted recently turned 3 and we had a party for him. My sister was in town and rather than having four different family events to go to, we decided to streamline our week and have one big family party and say it was for Ted's birthday.

One relative called and asked what to get Ted for his birthday. I explained to her that really the party was to get family together, but if she really wanted to get a gift she should go to the grocery store and spring $2 for one of those balls in the big wire basket in the aisle by the cash registers.

Being conscientious, she instead went to Target and carefully selected Tub Time Curious George, spending approximately ten times what a grocery store ball would have cost. I can see why she would have chosen it- everyone loves Curious George, right? And he blows bubbles! What's more fun than bubbles if you're a 3-year old? But the toy is a dud. It is difficult to work and the reason it's marketed as a tub toy is because if you don't hold it exactly upright, it vomits soap from its mouth. Oh, and you're not supposed to get it wet. Really.

Toys should be made better than that.

I have come to believe that toy manufacturers look at the public as a prey species. Just as the guys at the bait shop will tell you what the fish are biting on, I imagine the toy execs sitting around highly-polished long tables, wearing expensive suits, trying to figure out how to get the most money from our wallets. What will lure out our cash?

I believe their tactics fall into one of two categories:
1. They can make good toys
2. They can make crappy toys and slap Curious George or Mickey or Dora or Diego or Spongebob on it and watch it fly off the shelves.

By putting a beloved figure on a crappy toy, they create the lure. The fish are biting. As parents we know that our children will light up when they see their favorite character peeking out from behind the paper. It's Mickey! And he came to my house! To play with me! As harried shoppers we see a familiar face and think "Surely Spongebob wouldn't endorse a crappy toy. I know Spongebob and he wouldn't stand for something like that." Our children see the ads on TV and that toy becomes the one that they really really want. And so out come the credit cards. Out comes the cash.

I am lucky that I have some time to shop. I generally do my pre-shopping from this chair. I read reviews. Hundreds of them. I winnow down my choices. I am glad my children are disinclined to watch much TV- they don't clamor for the crappy toys yet. Over and over I see the same thing- toys that are designed to make you buy more toys- like this one: It has a Mickey Mouse that plugs into four small holes. The car seats one figure and it only works when the figure is plugged in- meaning it won't work if you lose Mickey or don't have another figure from the same series to plug into it. Not only is this difficult to get plugged in right if you're still working on your fine motor skills, but Mickey has a tendency to go on walkabout in my house. Without my intervention this toy rarely works.

Toys that just plain don't work, like George. (It worked exactly once.)

Toys that only work with the cars or figures that come with it- the Mickey car being a prime example. Many of the car ramps also fall into this category. (I am not including train sets or building sets in this category- in those cases consumers know beforehand that they are buying part of a set- it's not a surprise.)

Toys that are not durable. One car ramp that I declined to purchase had reviews that said over and over "It falls apart every time I try to move it."

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I have put nearly-new toys in my recycle bin and I cringe when I do it. The money that was spent on the purchase was spent in good faith. It was spent in the hopes that the toy being purchased would be beloved. Not recycled.

Toy manufacturers ought to be ashamed of themselves for producing crappy toys. The Amazon reviews of the George toy gave it 1 1/2 stars, only because reviewers can't give less than 1 star. Even the good reviews said that the toy didn't work, but their kid liked it anyway because it was Curious George. That's not good enough.

The toy industry ends up being able to take advantage of those people who don't have the time to research their toys and those who don't have the ability to. I have a couple of relatives who wouldn't know how to begin to research a toy.

I don't know how to put an end to it. I can't ask everyone I know to start putting in the kind of time that I do simply because it's important to me. If there are any toy executives out there who happen to stumble across this blog, though, I'm talking to you. And I sure hope you have a conscience.

For award-winning toys, go here or here or do your own search- there are lots of good toys out there- you just have to go looking for them.

Curious Nostalgia

I miss the viruses of my youth. Really.

I finally have my voice back. I got a cold and lost my voice for six days. SIX! Laryngitis and I are old friends. I have occasionally gotten it- maybe once every two years or so- for my entire life. I remember getting it in grade school. My voice would be hoarse and I'd lose my voice for maybe half of the day- the rest of the day it would be patchy. The next day I'd sound like Kim Carnes (Remember "Bette Davis Eyes?") and then I'd be fine. None of this six day BS.

The stomach viruses of my youth were nothing compared to what we have now either. Ted got some infernal virus called "rotavirus" when he was a year old and threw up for 8 days. EIGHT! And that's normal for that virus.

When I was a kid, other kids would get sick and they'd be out of school for a day. Two days in a row meant that either they were REALLY sick (like they had leukemia) or it meant that their mom was a worry wart. Nobody threw up for more than a day.

Some people miss the television shows or the department stores of their youths. Not me. I miss the viruses.

Yeah, yeah, yeah

I could make all kinds of lame excuses for why I've been bad at making it here lately. I haven't posted since March, even though my blog address is in my e-mail signature. You'd think that would make me a more regular poster. Ha! Peer pressure be damned!

I do have folks who nudge me occasionally- you haven't written anything in a while.... Yeah, I know that.

The truth is that I'm busier than I ever thought I'd be as a stay-at-home mom. This evening by the time I got the kids put to bed and the dishwasher started, it was 10 minutes until 9. I had a busier day than most- I went to the zoo with a friend and her 2 kids, came back and made lunch for everyone, put the kids down for naps, ran to Gabriel Brother's to find some cheap t-shirts for Ted for the Summer, came home and played with the kids, made dinner, played with the kids, put them to bed and cleaned the kitchen (sort of.) It only took me about 12 minutes to make dinner however and there were many things that I did not do today- no laundry, no menu planning, no bill paying, no grocery shopping, no school, no library, no crafts, no cleaning other than the kitchen, no errands. It's now 20 past 9 and I'll be going to bed in another half-hour or so. My day is spent.

I still have a hard time putting my finger on it when people ask me how I fill my time though. To the question "What do you do all day?" I tend to answer "Everything" or "Good Lord, what don't I do?" because "Raise children" seems even more vague than those responses.

I don't really know why I don't have more time to write- I suppose it's because I go through phases with everything and right now I'm simply not in a writing phase. I'm in a quilting/knitting/crocheting phase, so I'm more likely to spend my discretionary time doing that instead. But my projects are starting to pile up as well.

My time is slipping by. I don't know where it's going, but I will tell you that I spent a full hour today as both of my kids together climbed on me and I tickled them while they screamed and laughed and begged for more. I was lying on the floor and Henry would tuck himself under my chin and roll over so that his belly was right there, prime for raspberries and Ted would roll over my back laughing and shouting "more!" I consider that to be an hour very well spent.

When I sit down and make a budget, I have carefully taken notes that explain my spending habits. I know how much money a week I spend on coffee or lunch or groceries. I suppose I could make a time budget for myself and try to account for the minutes of my day. It might help explain where my time is going. It might also help me answer the question "What do you do all day?" I suppose I'll get right on that. Ha!

Maybe when people ask me what I do all day I should respond "I play with my children."

A Mellow Buzz

A mellow buzz. I expect that's what she wanted, my beloved relative whom I will not out with the story of her Friday night. She's a lightweight, that one, and not well versed in cocktails. She probably just wanted a mellow buzz. Had she known the volume of alcohol that a Long Island Iced Tea has in it, I'm sure she wouldn't have ordered one in the first place..... let alone two..... and a half....

I have no issues with lightweights. They are cheap companions who often get to forgo the dragging the next day that many of their compadres will inevitably experience. She should know what to order in a bar. So, too should my other friends who fall into this category, so I figured I'd blog some choices for my lightweight friends.

Some General Rules:
Avoid any drinks that refer to destruction. Drinks that have the following words: eraser, melting, meltdown, wreck or flaming are likely to be potent.

Likewise, avoid most drinks that have sexual references. These drinks are often sweet and intended to contain enough alcohol to lower a girl's inhibitions. (Men are unlikely to order a drink with a sexual innuendo. "I'd like to have a Sloe Comfortable Screw...." or "I'd like to have a Busted Rubber" are not words many men want to say in public. I expect you'd have to be in certain bars to hear that spoken by a man and the gal I'm primarily writing this for is unlikely to be in those bars.) An exception to this rule is Sex at My House. You can have Sex at My House.

Avoid drinks with the word "Nazi." They most likely have Jagermeister in them. Don't go there.

Avoid drinks with the word "Irish" in the name- these usually fall prey to the stereotype that the Irish are heavy drinkers and pack an inevitable punch. Most of them also have whiskey in them and if you don't like to drink, you probably won't like whiskey anyway.

Avoid Martinis. Many of them have almost no filler and are one different alcoholic beverage on top of another. If there is a mixer, it's often just an ounce.

Avoid drinks with references to pain. I can think of several drinks with the word "screaming" in them. No, no, no.

Finally, no "iced teas." Whether it's a Long Island, a Boston or any of the others, it's likely out of your league.

What you should be looking for if you are a lightweight is a drink with a low proof alcohol and a lot of mixer in it. If you have a glass of something in your hand then you still get to be a part of the party, so order a drink that you can sip for a long time. Good examples of this are the Amaretto Sour or the Sloe Gin Fizz. Wine Spritzers are another good bet- wine's proof is generally about half of what sloe gin is; you use more wine in a spritzer, but I expect that the actual alcohol volume would be roughly the same.

Avoid shots. Just say "no." If you do a shot then you end up having no drink in your hand. The effect of the alcohol in the shot takes a bit to reach full fruition and it's too easy to make a poor drink choice at this point if you are a lightweight. If you can truly order a shot (again something low volume only) and then sip a soda for the next hour, fine. I think it's better to resist temptation.

Get used to saying "Heavy on the...." to the bartender as in "Rum and Coke, heavy on the Coke." The bartender will respect you for knowing your limits. Bartenders don't like having really drunk people in their bar. It's a greater responsibility, more work and sometimes that work includes clean-up of the worst kind. Bear in mind that the lightweight should always order their own drinks. Sometimes "friends" like to "have fun" with an unsuspecting lightweight and get them polluted. Any two ingredient drink is a good option so long as the lightweight makes the request heavy on the mixer. If you ask for it in a tall glass, the bartender will usually use the same amount of alcohol but use enough mixer to fill up the glass. I would suggest making this clear with your barkeep so that there's no room for misunderstanding.

If you are a lightweight and belly up the the bar, here are some drink options:

Amaretto Sour: 2 oz Amaretto, fill with sour mix.
Melon Sour: 2 oz Midori, fill with sour mix
Sloe Gin Fizz: 2 oz Sloe Gin, top with sour mix, shake, splash with soda water
Sloe Poke: 2 oz Sloe Gin, top with cola
Wine Spritzer: Fill wine glass 3/4 with ice, fill 3/4 with desired wine, fill with soda water
Amore-Ade: 1 1/2 oz Amaretto, 1/2 oz. Triple Sec, fill with soda water
Sex at My House: 1 oz Amaretto, 1 oz Framboise, fill with pineapple juice
Bitch Fight: 1 oz Peach Schnapps, 1 oz Orange Liqueur, dash of lime juice, fill with cranberry juice, shake
Fuzzy Fruit: 2 oz Peach Schnapps, fill with grapefruit juice
Fuzzy Navel (with caution): 2 oz Peach Schnapps, fill with orange juice. When I was a bartender, this was the recipe for Fuzzy Navel. I have seen new books add a shot of Vodka to this drink. We used to call that a Hairy Navel. In the current guide I have the recipes for Fuzzy Navel and Hairy Navel are identical.)
French Summer: 1 oz Framboise, fill with soda water
Cherry Life Savor: 2 oz Amaretto, fill with cranberry juice

So happy drinking, my lightweight friends. Enjoy your nights out and enjoy the following day too.

All of the drink recipes come from here: For my money, it's the best drink book out there and I thank the author for making such a comprehensive guide.

I Thought So!

I re-read my post from yesterday. In it I mentioned that Henry was on the verge of walking.

Yeah.

Yesterday afternoon Henry turned away from the window where he was standing and took his first step into my arms.

It's hard to describe the emotions that come bubbling up from such a feat. In that single step he moved away from babyhood to toddlerhood. With that single step he reminded me that he will be my last baby and he's not going to be a baby for much longer. I'll call him a baby until he is truly walking- not just a step here and there, but now that he's realized that he, too, has this gift of bi-pedal ambulation, he's been all about practicing.

That is, when he's not being pinned by his brother.

I Being Noxious!

We all officially have cabin fever. It's February 23, we've seen the sun maybe twice since November and the kids have taken up Big Time Wrestling as their main hobby.

Our new slogan is "As long as nobody's actually bleeding, it's OK."

Seriously- the kids (remember that they're only 1 and 2) have taken up full-contact wrestling as a way of relieving the constant boredom. Screaming is a common background noise if you call our house.

And before you start thinking of other things to do, bear in mind that we take them outside to play. We go to the mall. And to the pool. And to the park. And we separate them and take them on separate excursions in the afternoon (one of the major benefits of Nate's schedule.) The kids are bored roughly 5 minutes after we return from any outing. We've also bought them new toys and taken them to the library every week. Still they are bored.

Sometimes if Henry is hollering, I'll make eye contact with Ted who is often laying across Henry, pinning him to the floor, and he'll slide off Henry and say to me "Be Nice to your Brother!" And sometimes I'll say to Ted "Quit being obnoxious." He looks at me with pride and replies, "I being noxious!"

Well, yeah- you are being noxious.

Spring is around the corner- the corner is a little farther away than I'd like, but March in Ohio brings the occasional glorious 70 degree day. We'll be able to go to the park and actually use the slides once or twice in March. I can't wait. neither can the kids. Henry is on the verge of walking and I know that chasing them around the park will be a two-person job this summer, but at least we'll be outside. We'll be able to let the kids play in the sandbox on the balcony and run around in the yard. Hopefully the screaming will subside. There's a lot of laughter too- they really do enjoy rough-housing with each other- the screaming is what is trying though.

In the meantime I'll be stuck inside for the most part with the relentless baby and Ted. We'll be watching the snow fall and I'll be peeling them apart when it appears that blood will soon be flowing. Henry will be getting into everything- emptying trash buckets and trying to reach the toilet. Ted will be trying to relieve his boredom.

How will Ted do that? By being noxious.

Sweet Relief

It's been going on for three weeks now, so I am going to commit it to writing.


Henry is sleeping through the night.


In case you didn't hear that, HENRY IS SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!



Something changed- I have no idea what it was, but Henry suddenly went from waking up 2-4 times a night to a child who sleeps through. I now have my patience and energy back. The bags under my eyes are fading and I've returned to the level of competence I used to enjoy. I am fairly sure that my days of going to the grocery store without a list are behind me, but at least now I am well-rested enough that I don't forget half of the things written on the list that I have in my hand while I shop.

Woo Hoo!